Capture Your Grief : Day 24 // Siblings

After we lost Avery, I couldn't imagine a day when I'd be okay with offering up my womb to another child. I knew I wanted to have more children one day, but in the depths of my grief, I couldn't fathom emotionally surviving it.

Surprisingly, it was only three months before Daniel and I decided we were ready to try again to make Avery a big sister. It took us nine long cycles to conceive Jude. Each month was another slap in the face. It was easy to worry that Avery would be the only child we could ever have. But finally, on January 21, 2011, we found out Jude was on his way.

It was a beautiful and horrific 31 weeks, but Jude made it. And he came to stay.

I wish Avery and Jude could grow up together, the way that I have grown up with my brothers. Because I had siblings, I always had friends. It makes me so sad to think that it's more probable than not that Jude will grow up alone. Whenever I see a big sister and a little brother together, I can't help but think of my kids and how they are supposed to be together.

We will raise Jude to know who Avery is and to love his big sister as if he knew her himself. She will always be special in our home. She will always be a part of our family. And she will always be Jude's big sister.