More good news

I had another OB appointment this afternoon. I just went two weeks ago, but this is around the time in my pregnancy with Avery that my blood pressure started to spike. By 20 weeks, I was put on medication to lower it. But today, my blood pressure was 124/78. Perfect. I am so excited that it's still behaving. I take it as such a good sign, that all things are better and different this time.

I really like my doctor. She really cares about this pregnancy and making sure she's doing all she can to ensure Jude's health. She even said these two pregnancies are like night and day. I've been feeling that, but to hear a medical professional say that just means a lot. I still haven't gained any weight yet but I'm starting out overweight, so I guess there's no cause for concern.

She was excited to hear that we found out it's a boy. When she asked what his name is, I was so thrilled to say 'Jude.' I have been in love with that name for YEARS now. Since before Daniel and I were even married. Five, six years... maybe more. I am so happy to finally be able to use that beautiful name. It's so special to me and so is he. Quite fitting.

I asked my doctor if it was a good thing that they were able to determine Jude's gender so early on. She emphatically let me know that it was a very good thing, that he's definitely developing very well. She told me about the results she got back from my ultrasound last week. Jude is developing so well, that at 15 weeks they were easily able to see all of his major organs. His kidneys look great, his brain growth is perfect... It was all music to my ears... just like his heartbeat that we got to hear yet again. The doctor said it sounded great.

I go back in another two weeks to make sure all is still well with my blood pressure. I feel so excited that everything is going so well. I'm so encouraged and so relieved right now. I haven't been this happy since I was pregnant with Avery.

Yesterday morning, I was laying on my back and I really think I felt Jude move for sure. There have been suspicions in the last couple of weeks, but this time, I think it was for real. And I may have felt him again tonight. I absolutely love it. I can't wait to feel him all the time, even if he's elbowing my bladder or wedging himself under my ribs. It will all be amazing and wonderful. :) So in love with my little boy.

Jude in 3D - Take 1

Yesterday, we had an appointment for a 3D ultrasound. It was an elective one, not for diagnostic purposes, but for keepsake purposes. This facility is new since we lost Avery and the one place that did offer 3D when she was still alive wouldn't do an ultrasound for you until you were 24 weeks along. I wish so badly that we'd done that at 24 weeks with Avery. I regret that I wanted to wait until she was bigger before we paid for 3D shots of her. I would do anything to have 3D images of her face when she's alive. Not just photos of her passed away.

So, with this new facility open, taking women at 16 weeks pregnant, Daniel and I jumped on it and made an appointment. Yesterday, I was 16 weeks and 2 days. Originally it was supposed to be a gender determination ultrasound, but we were blessed enough to find that out last week, super early. But since we're so sentimental about our little boy, we kept the appointment. And Jude showed us that he already has a sense of humor.

In 2D we could see our son pretty well. He was moving somewhat but was pretty mellow. The technician checked to make sure that last week's findings were accurate. She was quick to chime in that Jude is definitely a boy! That's nice to know, since we've already started buying him lots of things and we've already registered! :)

Jude decided it would be a good idea if he laid really low, where he wasn't as visible. She was able to get his heartbeat, which never ceases to bring tears to my eyes. 162 glorious beats per minute.

If you look to the left of him in the above shot, you can see a little hand or foot. Not sure which (hand probably?), but it's so cute!!

Jude was also being silly by putting his hands over his face. So when she switched it to 3D, there wasn't much to see. But we still loved every second of it.

Here, he's putting his hand up to his face, possibly about to suck his thumb. :)

I love how you can see his ribs and his spine in this one. I think his hand is over his face too.

Then Jude flipped up onto his head, then back down onto his face and belly, and went to sleep. :) His little leg is tucked up underneath him.

This is pretty unclear because, like I mentioned earlier, Jude was laying as low as he possibly could, nestled against the placenta. Silly boy. If you can't see it, his head is at the top, facing the left. His hand is at his face, and his knees are bent with his legs pulled up toward his belly. So cute.

 

Another of the same shot.

 

And this is him from behind, laying on his belly with his legs underneath him. His head is facing to the right. You can see his little back. I just love him.

The tech was incredibly nice and answered a lot of my questions. She showed me more things than I've ever had pointed out to me at any other ultrasound. I asked her if she was able to see the cord's blood flow and the flow in the placenta. She did it for me and even let us listen to the blood flow of each. She thought they sounded great, knowing that it was blood clots that took Avery from us. She asked us if we wanted to know how much Jude weighs. No one has ever asked us that. She measured his legs and his head. Each part measured bigger than his age! According to his size, I am 17 weeks pregnant (as of yesterday). That's 5 days ahead. For me, that is HUGE. Avery was always small. They never expressed concern for some reason, but she was never ahead of my due date. The fact that Jude IS, is so SO comforting and wonderful. So, Jude is a whole whopping 5 ounces. Avery was 8.2 ounces when she was born at 25 weeks. So I think that means he's doing rather well. :)

Because Jude didn't cooperate very well, we get to come back at 18 weeks for a re-do, free of charge. That is so exciting. I can't wait to see what his little face looks like. :)

Hey Jude

Today has been the best day of my life since we got married. Even in all of my days with Avery, this one tops them all. We had an ultrasound today. Even though I'm only 15 weeks and 2 days along, they were able to quickly see, without a doubt, what the gender is. We were not expecting to find out today, since it's so early. I figured with my luck, I wouldn't be one of the few that get to know so soon. But we did.

IT'S A BOY!!!

I cried when the tech announced it. We never got an announcement with Avery. Just a "Well, I'd say there's a 80 to 90 percent chance that it's a girl." And then two weeks later she was gone. This time was so epic and so amazing. So sure and so exciting. We are having a little boy!!

Our sweet little man moved like crazy the whole ultrasound. We couldn't believe how active he was! I couldn't stop laughing. I really don't think Avery was ever that active (I've probably said that before). And at 15 weeks, our son seems to look about the same on screen that Avery did at 20 weeks, as far as detail and visibility. At 23 weeks, the tech (at a different facility) struggled to figure out Avery's gender and I think that was because she wasn't doing well. At only 15 weeks, our little boy's parts were so visible, being the first thing the tech noticed about him. I'd like to think that it means he's doing extremely well since they could tell so early on. His size is perfect. He is measuring exactly right. I love that so much.

I am so in love with our little boy. We have already picked out his name. I've loved this name for years. It means "Praises to God" which is so fitting. Our baby's name is Jude.

 

Hey, Jude. <3

There's a crib in our house

Today was a big day for us. The baby's crib arrived and we eagerly picked it up at the store. I grabbed our camera and perched myself across the room to take in all the moments of Daniel putting it together. It was so special to us, to be doing that. To be taking this leap of faith and making this baby a permanent thing in our lives. Not fleeting or momentary.

I am only 15 weeks pregnant, which would be "out of the woods" for normal people. I won't be out of the woods until our baby is here, in our arms. But I don't want to think about that. I refuse to imagine that this baby will meet his or her big sister anytime soon. So we prepare like normal people, being excited and doing the things we should be doing. I think that's how God would want us to live. Trusting Him, putting all of our faith in Him, hoping with all our might. That's what we strive for. It feels good to do that.

And now, there is a gorgeous black wood crib in our third bedroom. Some may take adding a crib to their home as something mundane and typical. But we find it monumental. I adore it completely. It's perfect. I cannot wait to open the bedding at my baby shower that will adorn that sweet little bed.

This is all so exciting. We're experiencing things we never got to experience with Avery. It's bittersweet but it's also very healing and wonderful. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to check for growth. I'm excited to see our little love. It always eases worry and brings so much joy to my heart. We also have a 3D gender ultrasound next Tuesday. Can't wait!

Monumental

Yesterday was a huge day for Daniel and I as parents. We made two purchases for this baby that we never had the chance to make with Avery. I know I'm only 14 weeks and I have yet to pass 25 weeks still pregnant, but we decided to step out in faith and make more preparations for this little one.

We went to Orlando yesterday with Daniel's brother, Andy, Andy's fiance, Margaret, and my three brothers: Ron, Shaun, and Sam. All four guys are in Andy and Margaret's wedding next month so we all headed to the mall for them to get their wedding clothes. After the mall and getting some dinner, everyone was nice enough to accompany Daniel and I to a store across the street called Macrobaby. We had just gotten our tax return so we thought it might be fun to take a look.

I've been looking at diaper bags online and in regular stores and have never seen anything I like enough so I immediately headed to their large display of them. I was appalled by some of the crazy prices, but I did find one that I loved that was reasonable. I wore it in the store to make sure I really liked it. Daniel and I decided to buy it. I was so thrilled!

When we got back home, I started looking online once again at cribs. Being at the baby store really got me excited about buying some things for the baby. Daniel and I thought it would be a good idea to purchase a crib and not leave everything to our families and the baby shower. I found one that had really good ratings and it even came with a bonus mattress for no extra charge! It's black and the exact style I was looking for. We decided to buy it. I felt so excited and a little nervous, filling out the information online to finalize our purchase. I looked at Daniel before I clicked 'place my order.' I got tears in my eyes, thinking about what we were doing. Something we never got to do with Avery. We were buying our baby's crib. I clicked the button and I was immediately filled with joy.

There was no worry about it being too soon. I didn't feel like we were too hasty. All it did was make us so happy. The crib should arrive by April 14th- mine and Daniel's five year anniversary of when we first started dating.

My feelings about this baby have been a roller coaster so far. Last week I was beginning to feel scared again. But now I am choosing to be filled with joy and savor every moment of this little life inside of me. Worrying will not keep my baby healthy. So why not be happy? I cannot live in fear. Fear won't save this baby. I am trusting God. I'm ready to do that now.

I am officially in my second trimester as of today. 14 weeks along. I'm happy to be out of the miscarriage fear stage, but I know that's not where my body has failed me. I refuse to obsess about that though. I am enjoying my rounding stomach, feeling pregnant already. I think my stomach was this size at the end with Avery at just 25 weeks. That's how small she was and how much my pregnancy was not thriving. I didn't feel remotely pregnant until 18 weeks with her. I've felt pregnant since week 12 this time. I think that's a good sign.

I have one more thing to report. I really think I felt the baby last night! I'm afraid to fully believe that it definitely was the baby and not my stomach, but it sure felt like it felt with Avery. Sweet little flutters. I can't wait to feel it all the time and watch my belly move. It's going to be the best thing next to taking this little love home with us. <3

Sweet dreams

I always have crazy dreams when I'm pregnant. With Avery, I used to dream about male celebrities (like Michael Castro and Jason Segel haha!) as if I were some crazy teenager. It was really silly and innocent but I'd tell Daniel about them in the morning and we'd just laugh. With this baby, the dreams are different. Most are odd, but there are definitely many a night.

A few nights ago, however, I had a beautiful dream about this precious little one I carry. In my dream, I was in the hospital, having just given birth. There was no sadness. The baby didn't come early and wasn't born still. I remember thinking how surreal it felt that I was going to hold this baby and hear a cry, see sweet eyes looking at me, see movement, feel warmth. Daniel climbed into the bed next to me as they handed me the baby. It was a girl. I just cried as I looked at her and could not believe she made it here and she was mine. It felt so real in my dream, like I can imagine it happening this way in real life. It was so realistic that I remember my doctor sewing me up as I barely noticed her and stared at my precious baby. Then I called my mom and when she answered, all I said was, "She's here." Strange that my mom wasn't present for the birth, but that's what makes it fantasy! Haha...
I woke up at this point, wishing I didn't have to leave that perfect scene, but fortunately, when I fell back to sleep, the dream continued! Sort of...

I was back in the same hospital room. The baby wasn't with me at the moment, but all was still perfectly well. People were visiting me and there were so many gifts everywhere. This time, the baby was a boy. For some reason, his name was Hayden, as if it just happened that way and I was just going to let it be. While I was looking through some outfits someone dropped off, I realized I could pick the name and it didn't have to be Hayden. I really don't know where my mind got that name. It's not even on my list of favorites. I quickly decided, the baby would be Jude, just as it will be in real life if this little one is a boy.

Towards the end of the dream, I just remember feeling so happy and relieved. That this pregnancy was over and there were no more worries. It felt so amazing to have my child here on earth... with us. I loved it so much.

Of course, the next day and even now, it's left me feeling a bit anxious and impatient for this little love of ours. I do worry some days and that can be tiring. It will be nice when he/she is here and there is no more fear. I know things can happen to a living child here on earth, but at least most things are preventable and there's more control over it. I can't even see my baby to see how he/she is doing. It's scary. Plus, I ache so much to hold this baby, just like I still ache to hold Avery.

I have dreamed of being a mother since I was old enough to play with dolls. It has literally been my one and only dream in life. So much so that I never developed any career goals for myself. This is all I've ever wanted. I will be fully content with my life even if all I ever do with it is be a mother. <3