Halfway there

I hit the big 20 week mark yesterday. I think that's pretty monumental. Halfway to my little boy. I cannot wait until he's here safely and I can snuggle him. Thank God time is going faster than I expected. I can't believe I'm 20 weeks already. It dragged for some reason with Avery. With Jude, it seems to be flying and I am grateful for that. 40 weeks is a long time to worry and to wait for something I once lost before. I cherish feeling him inside of me, but if the time til he's here goes quickly, I'm fine with that.

I had another perinatologist appointment on Friday, May 13th. My blood pressure is still perfect and according to their scale, I've gained 4 pounds since my last OB appointment. We'll see what their scale says when I go for my appointment on Thursday. Of course, I got to have another ultrasound. It was the longest one I've ever had. The tech measured everything. Even pieces of his skull. I watched intently to see what gestational age everything measured. I was thrilled to see that everything measured either exact or bigger than he was (19 weeks and 5 days). Part of his leg measured 21 weeks! I think that's what the tech at the 3D place measured, and that's why she said he was a week ahead. She was basing it only on one part of his body. But that's okay. Overall, with all of Jude's measurements, he measures two days ahead. To me, that is good. Anything ahead makes me happy. Like I've said, Avery was always behind.

Jude is sucking on his hand in this beautiful profile shot.

I love his little face already.

The bottom of his sweet foot.

Jude's nice long leg. :)

His arm, with his precious little fingers to the left.

I loved watching the tech fill in the blanks on her screen with words like 'normal' as she made the report on Jude. She zoomed in on his precious little heart, measuring the parts as it beat away. I could never hear his heartbeat enough. It is so sacred to me.

I love that as I'm typing this, Jude is kicking and dancing away. I can feel him so much now. Everyday, several times a day. It was not this way with Avery. Even at 25 weeks, her last week, she was not this active. I love feeling Jude move around. It's my favorite thing in the whole world. This all feels like such a new experience to me. Jude is doing things that Avery never did or doing them completely different. That's how I know he's doing so well. I am so grateful for that.

I am very proud of myself because I now give myself my own Lovenox shots. I was having Daniel do it, but on Friday evening, when it was time for my shot, we were at Daniel's brother's wedding. Daniel was the best man and definitely busy, and even if he wasn't, there was no way he could come into the ladies' restroom with me to give me my shot! So I did it all by myself. I found it wasn't so bad, once I had no choice. Haha! So now, I'm able to do it and it actually doesn't hurt as bad (Michelle, you were right!).

Because of the above mentioned wedding, I finally got to see a dear friend who is the cousin of my brother-in-law's new wife. She had her rainbow baby in September. She has been here for me since Avery passed away, knowing what I was going through since it happened to her as well with her precious son. I don't know what I would have done without her. And now here she is along my next journey, helping me with my pregnancy and in my moments of fear or doubt. When I finally got to hold her sweet little boy, I cried. It was so special to hold him, knowing she was in my shoes not too long ago, aching for him just like I ache for Jude. She is my encouragement, my inspiration and I thank God for her. Thank you, Kelly. For being a true friend. I can't wait until Jude and Caleb can play together. <3

More appointments

Yesterday, I had two appointments. It was actually very nice to get two over with in one day, back to back. First was my OB. I was surprised to see that I have lost two pounds in the last two weeks. I never gained weight with Avery, in fact, I lost weight with her, so I always equate no weight gain with inadequate growth or an unhealthy baby. But then I need to remember, my belly is getting bigger. It didn't really at all with Avery. Jude is growing and he's a whole week ahead. Avery was always behind. To top it all off, I started out overweight so the weight gain expectancies don't fully apply to me. I talked to my doctor about it and she said that as long as I'm eating and the baby is growing, it doesn't matter if I'm losing or gaining. That makes me feel better.

I asked my doctor about Jude's delivery. If I would carry him until my due date or not. She said because he is doing so well, she would like to try getting to my due date, but definitely no further. But she doesn't want to deliver him before 39 weeks because of brain and lung development. She said I'll be having ultrasounds (biophysical profiles) and non stress tests probably twice a week at the end. If there seems to be any sign of a problem, he will be delivered. But if not, he'll come between 39 and 40 weeks. I am glad that he's doing well enough that my doctor wants to let him stay as long as possible. When I first lost Avery, there was talk of steroid injections to develop the next baby's lungs faster so he or she could be born as early as possible to leave my dangerous womb. But that was before we knew exactly what had caused Avery to die. And that was before Jude was on his way, doing so well, it's astonishing. I'm glad he will have the chance to grow the way he's supposed to, and not chance being born too soon where his eyesight, hearing, learning abilities, etc. may be compromised.

My blood pressure is still perfect, yesterday being 114/77. That's even lower than it's been. My doctor was extremely pleased. She thinks that because of my blood clotting mutations, the placenta with Avery didn't form properly. When she was born, the placenta has holes in it and just looked incredibly unhealthy. We think it formed with clots and that it even passed clots through Avery's cord, blocking blood and nutrient flow, ultimately taking her life. Because of the bad placenta, my doctor thinks my blood pressure was high, my body trying to compensate and work harder in place of the placenta. I was put on medication at 20 weeks to lower my blood pressure, but that didn't fix the placenta. So my doctor thinks that possibly, this new placenta has formed perfectly because I was on Lovenox when it was forming. That my blood pressure has stayed normal because my body is not compensating for anything else. And that is why Jude is doing so well. Because he had what Avery didn't. And there are no blood clots looming to threaten him. Of course this is all theory. We could never know for absolute sure that it's 100% true but based on all the physical evidence, it seems very likely. And it comforts me a lot to think that I may not even have to worry about Jude leaving us at all. That there is no threat to him like there unknowingly was for his precious sister.

My favorite part was at the end when we got to hear Jude's heartbeat. That sound could never get old. I love it so much. My doctor found it immediately which always puts me at ease. I don't like to be reminded of the day when multiple nurses used a doppler searching and searching for several minutes at a time to find Avery. And they never did. So it's nice when Jude is found immediately and I don't have to have those thoughts.

After we left, we were immediately off to my hematologist appointment. I had to get a finger prick so they could test my blood levels. I hate those. I'd rather get a needle in my arm... and I get a shot in my stomach everyday, but those finger pricks make me nervous! Turns out, my platelet levels are at 225 (they were 217 last time) which is still in the normal range of 100-400. When my doctor came in, he was very pleased with all of my levels. He said it all looks perfect. He was very happy and seemed so interested in my pregnancy and how Jude is doing so far. He wanted to know how my previous OB appointment went. He said I'll be put on Heparin in the last four weeks of my pregnancy, maybe even up to three times a day since Heparin doesn't stay in the body as long as Lovenox does. Three shots a day does not sound like a picnic but I don't care. I will do ANYTHING for Jude. I asked the doctor if we're doing everything we can with the shots to make sure all stays well. He believes, based on all the numbers, that the regimen we're following is good. And then I almost cried when he said, "You will be fine."

It's a beautiful when you feel convinced that your baby will survive. Most live without that thought even crossing their mind; it's a given for them. For moms like me, every milestone is cherished and every positive result brings tears. It's not typical. Right now I really feel like Jude will definitely be coming home with us and I like that feeling. I really hope it stays. I even feel physically pregnant this time and I am loving that. I never looked pregnant with Avery and I never got the chance to have the belly. It started weeks ago with Jude and I am feeling pretty big right now, even though I weigh 11 pounds less than I did at the end with Avery. I love feeling pregnant and I look forward to this belly getting even bigger. <3

Last night, Jude was moving around like crazy. It was the very first time that he's moved that much at once. It lasted for several minutes and I was loving it the entire time. I can't wait until I can feel him consistently. I am so in love with him and so grateful for him.

Thank You, God, for Jude's health and his continued growth and thriving. I just can't thank  You enough...

Jude in 3D - Take 2

Today was our re-do 3D/4D elective ultrasound. I was excited going in, instead of nervous or anxious. I broke down the last two days and have been checking for Jude's heartbeat with our doppler. When he was smaller, I was afraid to use it, in case I couldn't find him. I didn't want to freak myself out and think something had happened to him if I wasn't able to locate my dancing boy. I'm glad I found that he is now large enough to locate decently easy, though he doesn't stay still long enough to give me enough of a fix. Of course, I could listen to him all night long.

At the ultrasound, we quickly saw that Jude was in another silly position, up high near my belly button, and once again cuddling with the placenta. The tech said they like to do that because the placenta is really warm. I thought that was cute. Maybe Jude will be a cuddler. He wasn't very active but he wasn't perfectly still either. The tech thought he seemed very content and docile and that this was a good thing. He seemed happy. Aww. The 2D shots were easy to see of course, but his position did make it a little harder for the 3&4D once again. I didn't care though. I was just happy to see him moving, kicking his little feet, opening his little mouth, turning over... He had his hands up at his face again, possibly sucking his thumb. Maybe he'll be a self soother too. Who knows?

In one of the 3D images, Jude smiled for us. Of course he probably wasn't actually smiling. He doesn't know what that means yet. But he did it.

It's unreal how much I love our little boy. I adore him. He's not even here yet and I am head over heels. This next shot is my favorite...

At the end, the tech measured his femur bone to see how big he's measuring. Our sweet little boy is now measuring a whole week ahead! He's actually 18 weeks and 2 days but he measures 19 weeks and 2 days! That makes me so happy. He is really doing so well.

Thank You, God, for our healthy sweet boy!