Capture Your Grief : Day 17 // Birthday

Avery has already had two birthdays. Not the kind of birthdays filled with smiles and laughter, cake and ice cream, presents and games. Guests and decorations. Her birthdays have been spent at the cemetery where her shell rests. Both years, we have decorated her spot, covering her stone in little trinkets and tokens of our love for her. Fresh, pretty flowers. A birthday balloon.

On her first birthday, we released seven balloons, one for each hour we spent with her in the hospital room after she was born. On her second birthday, we got one balloon for each person in attendance (my family and Daniel's) and we all wrote a message to Avery on our balloons. Obviously, it was done for us and not for her. But it's comforting to pretend that she could receive the words we so lovingly scrawled. Jude was there for his sister's second birthday, which was bittersweet. He even released a balloon for her. One day he will understand what this all is. And he will know he has a sister in Heaven, a sister who saved his life and taught us how to help him survive.