Yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life. There are a few horrifying days in my memory and this is definitely at the top of the list.
Yesterday, Jude had a seizure.
Jude has been completely healthy since he's been born, despite his nine week early entrance into the world. Yesterday, he showed no signs of sickness, no indication that anything was wrong.
Jude and I went with my parents, my grandma, and my aunt to the cemetery to visit my grandpa.
It was warm, but nothing alarming. Jude played on the ground for a few minutes, Then I picked him up and took him to stand under an umbrella to take a break from the sunshine.
Just a moment later, he arched backwards in my arms. At first, I thought he was being silly, leaning back. But when I turned to him, he was making a weird sound. The second, I realized something was wrong, my dad took him from my arms and said he was having a seizure. My mom and I immediately went into hysterics as we followed behind my dad, who was rushing Jude to the car. He yelled for us to call 911. I pulled out my phone and dialed it with shaking hands... the first time I've ever called it in my life. I couldn't believe I was saying "my son is having a seizure."
There was a couple who was helping us, as we brought Jude to the air conditioning in my parents' car. He was shaking and his eyes were rolling back. He was drooling. It looked like my little boy was gone. I couldn't believe what was happening. I was so afraid he was going to die. I pleaded with God in my head as the couple gave us pointers. They told us to drive to the entrance of the cemetery so the ambulance could find us better. I took Jude in my arms, surprised that he felt like dead weight. The woman was telling me how to do CPR in case he stopped breathing. As soon as she mentioned that, I tuned out and started freaking out all over again, not hearing a word she was saying. I couldn't wait to get him to the ambulance. I did not want to be responsible for resuscitating my own baby. I didn't trust myself to do it properly. I didn't want to experience that with him.
Thankfully, the ambulance pulled up to us on the side of the road and I got out of the car, my mentally absent child in my arms, as I cried and shook. His breathing was returning to normal, but he didn't seem at all like himself. A paramedic took him from me and I turned to my dad and asked him if it was possible that Jude could now be mentally handicapped from it. He told me no. I figured my parents knew about seizures, since my younger brother has epilepsy and has had about four seizures in his 22 years of life.
I climbed into the ambulance and my parents followed behind. By this time, Jude was crying and getting upset with the paramedic's prodding. He was looking around at the lights on the ceiling and I felt so relieved. I held his hand and talked to him, so afraid that something terrible inside him had caused his little body to seize. There's no way I could lose him. I'd never survive that.
We finally got to the hospital, and by this time, Jude seemed pretty normal, just very upset and tired. Daniel arrived just minutes later. His temperature was 102.7 and was probably much higher before (somehow, the paramedic had no thermometer). They took some blood from Jude, a urine sample via catheter, and a swab from his nose. They were checking for the flu, and RSV, and also checking his blood count. They did an x-ray of his lungs to check for fluid. He had an IV so his arm was taped down to a little board. He was hooked up to a monitor with leads all over his body. He had a little blood pressure cuff on his arm. It sort of felt like the NICU all over again, with my wired baby.
After putting on a saline drip mixed with a medication for infection and giving him Motrin, the nurses finally left him alone. As the medicine kicked in and he started to feel some relief, Jude fell asleep on my chest. I stroked his hair and cried in the unusual silence, remembering all of the horrific emotions I felt in the last hour, believing I may lose my most precious blessing. The fleeting, quick thoughts that had crossed my mind in those frightening unsure moments... Wondering if the last photo I'd ever take of Jude would be him at my grandpa's grave. Wondering if I'd ever see him smile again. I didn't dare imagine a funeral, but the quick thought crossed my mind with a sickening pain.
Thankfully, it wasn't long before the doctor explained to us what happened to our baby. Jude had a febrile seizure. They can commonly occur in children from 6 months old to 7 years old. They can be triggered by a sudden high fever. Upon checking, the doctor found that Jude had an ear infection and that must have been what caused the fever. What a way to discover your first ear infection! He hadn't even been showing any signs of it! The assumption was that Jude was starting to get a fever in the car while he napped on the way to the cemetery. As we were visiting my grandpa, his fever rose, the outside heat propelling his temperature faster, causing a seizure. Febrile seizures do not cause any damage and aren't neurological. They are not necessarily reoccurring. Jude may never have another one. I pray to God he doesn't!
Jude spent about five hours in the ER yesterday. It felt like forever. Even after learning he was going to be okay, it was still easy for the day's emotions to bring us to tears as any given moment. We're relieved that he's fine, but we'll never forget those fearful thoughts and the horrific notion that we were going to lose our baby. It was so difficult to watch Jude go through all of that pain. I know he didn't understand why people he didn't know kept hurting him. The lab messed up one of his blood tests and they had to poke him two more times to get more blood from him. We had to help hold him down as he screamed and fought to break free. It was awful.
So when Jude finally smiled again, it made my heart sing. Tears filled my eyes and I felt so happy to see that my little boy was coming back and that his spirit was still joyful even after all of the torture. He even managed to bounce around and laugh and babble, just like he always does. He was so happy. It was the greatest sight I could ever imagine.
It was so wonderful to bring Jude home. By then, he was completely himself. He crawled around and played. You would never know he had a seizure just seven hours before. Jude's now on medication for his ear infection and rotating between Motrin and Tylenol to make sure he doesn't get another high fever. So far, he's been great, just slightly fussy at times, probably when his ear is hurting him. He goes to his doctor tomorrow for a follow up.
I am so beyond grateful that Jude is alright. I would much rather that the seizure never happened, but I'm so thankful that God protected him and that he recovered quickly. I'm so glad that it wasn't triggered by something serious or life affecting. I already cherished and loved my little boy to a ridiculous degree, but somehow, my love has grown even more. He is amazing and strong and I'm so proud of him.
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to
decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone
