Sweet dreams

I always have crazy dreams when I'm pregnant. With Avery, I used to dream about male celebrities (like Michael Castro and Jason Segel haha!) as if I were some crazy teenager. It was really silly and innocent but I'd tell Daniel about them in the morning and we'd just laugh. With this baby, the dreams are different. Most are odd, but there are definitely many a night.

A few nights ago, however, I had a beautiful dream about this precious little one I carry. In my dream, I was in the hospital, having just given birth. There was no sadness. The baby didn't come early and wasn't born still. I remember thinking how surreal it felt that I was going to hold this baby and hear a cry, see sweet eyes looking at me, see movement, feel warmth. Daniel climbed into the bed next to me as they handed me the baby. It was a girl. I just cried as I looked at her and could not believe she made it here and she was mine. It felt so real in my dream, like I can imagine it happening this way in real life. It was so realistic that I remember my doctor sewing me up as I barely noticed her and stared at my precious baby. Then I called my mom and when she answered, all I said was, "She's here." Strange that my mom wasn't present for the birth, but that's what makes it fantasy! Haha...
I woke up at this point, wishing I didn't have to leave that perfect scene, but fortunately, when I fell back to sleep, the dream continued! Sort of...

I was back in the same hospital room. The baby wasn't with me at the moment, but all was still perfectly well. People were visiting me and there were so many gifts everywhere. This time, the baby was a boy. For some reason, his name was Hayden, as if it just happened that way and I was just going to let it be. While I was looking through some outfits someone dropped off, I realized I could pick the name and it didn't have to be Hayden. I really don't know where my mind got that name. It's not even on my list of favorites. I quickly decided, the baby would be Jude, just as it will be in real life if this little one is a boy.

Towards the end of the dream, I just remember feeling so happy and relieved. That this pregnancy was over and there were no more worries. It felt so amazing to have my child here on earth... with us. I loved it so much.

Of course, the next day and even now, it's left me feeling a bit anxious and impatient for this little love of ours. I do worry some days and that can be tiring. It will be nice when he/she is here and there is no more fear. I know things can happen to a living child here on earth, but at least most things are preventable and there's more control over it. I can't even see my baby to see how he/she is doing. It's scary. Plus, I ache so much to hold this baby, just like I still ache to hold Avery.

I have dreamed of being a mother since I was old enough to play with dolls. It has literally been my one and only dream in life. So much so that I never developed any career goals for myself. This is all I've ever wanted. I will be fully content with my life even if all I ever do with it is be a mother. <3