Jude's first 4th

In 2010, the 4th of July came less than four months after we lost Avery. I was surprised how difficult it was to not have her there. She was supposed to be just a week or two old, had she been born in June and not died in March. I remember pining for patriotic dresses and bows, wishing she was donning them, all chubby and sweet in my arms, basking in the glow of the fireworks. Of course, a newborn shouldn't be out watching loud fireworks, but in my fantasy, it played out that way. Perfectly.

Last year was still difficult, praying desperately that Jude would be here for the next year's festivities. I had no idea he'd be coming in just 27 days. So, this year was finally a joyous occasion, Jude present and well. Finally, my child was a part of it.

My parents live on a lake, and so many homes around it set off their own fireworks. There was one family close by who had an amazing display this year. I wasn't sure how Jude would react to the loud sounds.

When the loud and beautifully bright finale ensued, Jude was captivated. He kicked his little legs excitedly as I held him. I mostly watched his face instead of the scenes above, savoring every second of his wonder and amazement. A little smile crept across his lips every so often as he watched. I felt like I could cry, loving finally sharing this moment, and loving my little boy with every fiber of my being. I love watching him enjoy life. I will never take for granted that he is here.

I can't believe our little boy will be one in just 22 days. The 4th was his last first holiday. I can't believe it's going so quickly. Jude is so incredible. It's an honor to share this special days with him.