6 more days

I am 24 weeks and 1 day pregnant with Jude. That means that in 6 more days, I will hit 25 weeks. I was 25 weeks pregnant when Avery died in my womb. I was 25 weeks and 1 day when I think she died. At 25 weeks and 2 days, we found out she was gone. She was born at 25 weeks and 4 days. All that to say that week 25 in my last pregnancy was nothing short of devastation. And in just a matter of days, I will reach that milestone once again with another baby.

I am not superstitious. I know full well hitting week 25 won't make something happen to Jude. Even if something were going to happen to him before birth, it wouldn't happen during the same exact week. But even so, it still fills me with an uneasy feeling and I can't help but worry about him more lately. He's doing exceptionally well and noticeably better than Avery ever did, so worrying about him seems so silly sometimes. But I can't beat myself up. Loss and heartache is all I know of pregnancy. It's next to impossible not to let fear creep in once in a while.

I turn 25 weeks on Fathers Day of all days. Two emotional aspects in one day. And then the 22nd, just three days later, is the one year anniversary of Avery's due date. So her actual birthday, had she lived, would've been some time around then. Wow, what a crazy week to get through!

I cannot wait to stand in front of my bathroom mirror in two Sundays and take my belly photo for week 26. I never got that far before. I know that week will come. And it'll feel great to pass this dreaded upcoming milestone and be more pregnant than I have ever been, with our healthy baby boy.