I haven't been on Facebook in almost two months. I'd been noticing how bothered I would get almost on a daily basis, just by the things I would see and read. Yes, it is still very difficult for me to see other people having babies, because I know I can never be there again. It's very hard to watch some people take for granted what I ache for. And it's hard to watch some people complain about such trivial things. So, needless to say, I decided to walk away from what bothers me. I decided to step back from the world while I'm working on my heart and waiting for it to heal some. Oddly enough, I've noticed an improvement since I've taken the reprieve. It seems silly, that something as petty as Facebook could have such an effect, but somehow it does.
I really don't miss Facebook. I miss some of the people I kept in touch with, but I know there's always email. I really don't know if or when I'll return to it. I went on tonight for the first time just to make sure I didn't have any important messages from anyone that wasn't aware that I'm on a break. Nope. Nothing. But while I was there, I stupidly skimmed the news feed and I could feel some anxiety creeping in. It was more like an anticipatory anxiety, like I was just waiting to see something that would bother me. I logged out before that could happen, but my feelings completely confirmed my decision.
I wish I wasn't so abnormal. I wish I didn't always feel so alienated and easily bothered. I'm sure that's a normal stage that comes with the territory but it's very hard to try being "normal" that way. Regardless, at the end of the day, I need to guard my heart, and do what's best for me. Things are tough enough without subjecting myself to more grief. I'm sure I'll get better and things will get easier. Until then, I just need to work on me, let myself heal, and enjoy my sweet little family.
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4 comments:
I was wondering where you went. I can totally understand the need for a FB break. I've taken one before and actually feel the need to take another. *sigh*
Wishing you all the best. Give Jude a big ol hug for me.
you are NOT abnormal my friend. i miss all the cute pics of jude and the updates for sure. i think the way you are about facebook is the same way i am w/TV - we haven't had any in this house in almost two years. ((hugs)) i love reading your posts here!
That's not abnormal at all! If I didn't have family all over the country to keep in touch with I'd seriously consider dumping it too. It always amazes me how some people can live their entire lives on there. I wonder what their anxiety levels are like cause I know what mine are like if I'm on there too much.
I agree with Michelle and Elaine! You aren't abnormal at all. I'm of the opinion that Facebook creates and/or exacerbates anxieties, preoccupies us with "performing" for an imaginary audience (made up of Facebook friends) and in the process of connecting us to hundreds of people with whom we'd otherwise lose touch, disconnects us from the people who are closest to us (at least by proximity).
But a lot of people think I'm abnormal for having that opinion. ;) And my quitting Facebook two and a half years ago is exactly why you and I lost touch. Glad to have found your blog, though. Prayers are with you and your precious fam.
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