March is Here

I've come to sort of dread March. It's unfortunate because it kicks off with my youngest brother's birthday, followed by my other younger brother's birthday three days later, and then it ends with my mother's birthday. So many celebrations speckle the calendar, strewn amongst the jagged pain that is March. The joys and the sorrows interwoven in these weeks. Making new memories each March as my loved ones get another year older, and reliving old, gut-wrenching memories of a birth day
that was anything but joyful. In twelve days, Avery will be three. But not really.

I was thinking about possibly writing a post each day, through Avery's birthday. Just random thoughts and/or memories about her, leading up to her day. There isn't much else I can do to make these days count. I can't be with her, can't celebrate with her, can't marvel over how much she's grown. All I have is what I remember, what I captured on camera, in words. The sacred remnants I held onto, that still sit in a box on my dresser. She matters too much to do nothing about. To forget her is to lose her in a way that would sting as badly as her death. I cannot deny my child. She lived and she was born. I have to honor her. She made me a mother. She is a soul in Heaven, basking in the Glory of God, waiting for me until I join her. You better believe she still matters.

It's so strange how the anniversary of an event can break open the flood gates. How it can bring back all of the emotions of those exact days in years past. I guess it sort of pulls off the band-aid, tearing at the scab that never quite seems to heal. Maybe one day it will finally become a scar... but even scars never go away.