Capture Your Grief : Day 29 // Music

Music has always been such a vital part of my life. I love it, to put it simply. I love to have songs to relate to, to enjoy. When we first lost Avery, I had a hard time even wanting to listen to any music. It just felt wrong. I couldn't do anything that was normal. But I couldn't stay away from it for long. And quickly, I found so many songs that became Avery songs. The best, however, is one I have known for years. I'm sure it's meant for a romantic relationship, but to me it goes perfectly. It's my song for her.

Could It Be Any Harder

The Calling

 

You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
The only thing against us now is time

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
How I wish that I could turn back the hours
But I know I just don't have the power

I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word
As if it's your last, well I know it's your last
Cause today, oh, you're gone

Could it be any harder to live my life without you
Could it be any harder

  I'm all alone, I'm all alone

Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever, baby
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go

I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again with life in your hand
It couldn't be any harder...

Capture Your Grief : Day 27 // Artwork

Today's post calls for artwork that reminds me of Avery, or something that was made for her by me or someone else. I pondered for a while, thinking of photos that people have sent me of Avery's name in the sand or carved into a tree. Maybe my Molly Bear or my Heart to Hold. Then it came to me... the most precious and amazing thing anyone has ever done to honor Avery. A song written just for her.

My brother-in-law, Andy, Daniel's younger brother, wrote a beautiful song called "The News Hits Me So Hard." One night last summer, right before Jude was born, he (and his wife) came over just to play it for us on his guitar. Daniel and I were so touched by that. Andy has such an undeniable, God-given talent, and the fact that he used it to honor our baby girl, his niece, blesses my broken heart more than I can describe.

{Listen to Andy's song right here}

The News Hits Me So Hard

By: Andy Feller

 

The news hits me so hard
My brother's baby girl won't make it out alive
This feeling of helplessness overtakes me
I don't know why this happened but I miss you, Avery

Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you
Even though they missed your first word and step
God knows I believe that you're singing and dancing in His holy presence

We love you so much
We hate to say goodbye
Those tiny hands hold our hearts so tight
Don't you worry, we'll hold you soon
But till then, don't forget that

We love you
We miss you
We wish you were here with us

Even when the waves are crashing down
You're still good
God, You're so good

The news hits me so hard
My brother's baby girl won't make it out alive
This feeling of helplessness overtakes me
I don't know why this happened but we miss you, Avery