I couldn't believe we were heading into the NICU for the last time. We'd come and gone so many times for the last four weeks, it seemed strange to think life wouldn't always be that way. It was so sudden that Jude was ready to come home, kind of like a surprise that snuck up on us.
It was around 2:00 pm that day, coming in and seeing Jude all dressed up in his special 'going home' outfit. I never thought I'd ever be able to purchase the oh-so-tiny preemie outfits I always used to see at the store. We would laugh because they were so tiny and so cute, and we couldn't imagine a baby so small. But now we have one. And his little brown and gray striped cardigan and brown pants with a monkey face on the butt looked just as precious on him as I'd imagined. It was all the more amazing to be handed my son because, for the first time, he had no wires or tubes attached to him. He was just a normal baby, finally.
I signed all of Jude's discharge papers while we waited for the hospital photographer to come and take some pictures of Jude before we left. As I signed them and his nurse explained things to me, I couldn't believe this day had finally arrived.
The photographer finally came in and Jude was not a happy camper. He cried for almost the entire shoot. We figured out at the end that it was because he was cold. Aw, poor baby. He wasn't used to being unswaddled like that. But even still, his photos were adorable. And $67 later, we were ready to leave.
It was so amazing to strap Jude into his car seat (which he was so tiny in) and say our goodbyes to the nurses who had taken such good care of our boy. To walk out the door of the NICU with Jude instead of saying bye to him and leaving him behind. It was Heaven...
Just four weeks and four days prior, we had left the hospital empty-handed for the second time. The second time definitely did not compare to the first, but it was still hard for us after everything we had been through. When Avery died, I despised walking down the OB hall and walking out the door without my baby. It was so devastating and horrible. So much agony. Leaving without her, knowing she was gone forever. Having a baby and leaving with nothing. It's almost insulting. This time, was finally different. On this day, September the 1st, we got to walk down that hall on cloud nine... and we got to exit those doors with our precious baby in tow.
It felt surreal to bring Jude outside, his first time seeing the light of day in all his 32 days, and putting him in our little family SUV. Finally, a car seat in our Santa Fe. I sat in the back seat with him on the five minute ride home, just staring at Jude in disbelief that this NICU journey was actually over.
In all the weeks Jude was in the hospital, all I could picture was the day we'd bring him home. I played out the moment in my mind, us walking through the front door of our little house with him. The moment he'd cross the threshold. Finally home. It was just as great as I'd imagined.
It took us so long to get here, in so many ways.
Welcome home, sweet boy.
