Jude's 2nd Thanksgiving

I miss how magical the holidays felt when I was a kid. It seems now, I spend more time in disbelief that the certain date has so quickly rolled around once again than I do really feeling festive! Maybe that's just part of growing up. Don't get me wrong. I look forward to these times. It's my favorite time of the year. I love and thoroughly enjoy all the decorating and the baking and the family gatherings. But now it's my job to make sure Jude feels the joy and the magic that every kid should feel. To remind him to be thankful for what he has and who he is. He's too young now to understand but I'm looking forward to the years to come, to see the excitement in Jude's eyes on these special family days. All the beautiful memories we're going to make together. What a blessing. So much to be thankful for!!

This year, Thanksgiving was different for my family with Poppop gone. It was the first thing I thought about as the day loomed. It would be the first time our family gathered without him. I must admit, as I mixed the filling for my pumpkin pie bars that morning, and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" was playing in the living room, I lost it. The line "Through the years we all will be together" was what did it. Through the years we all have been together. Now it's changed. It's another new normal that we have to accept in life. Just like having a dead daughter has become normal for me. But for now, it's sometimes unbelievable. That all of Jude's firsts were all of my grandpa's lasts. Life is strange and hard and sometimes very ugly, but it's also very beautiful. And family is the best part.

Things may not always be as magical as I imagined they would be when I was a kid, but no matter who or what I have lost, no matter the struggles or triumphs, there is always always so much to be thankful for. There is love and life in my home. And that is more than enough.